Recustom - Life's Big Moments

First Year of Grief

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Life's Big Moments End of Life Grief & Mourning

Shiva Rituals

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Shiva

We Remember: Yizkor

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End of Life Yahrzeit Blessings Poetry Yizkor Communal Grief & Mourning

Vidui - Rituals for Release

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End of Life Loss & Mourning

Yahrzeit

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End of Life Loss & Mourning Yahrzeit

Honoring the Anniversary of October 7

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Care & Healing Other Holidays End of Life Healing Anti-Semitism Prayers of Remembrance

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Why plan for the End of Life?

Coming to terms with our own mortality can help us better appreciate the life we have today. The Torah teaches us to “choose life,” and that it is never too early to communicate our end-of-life wishes to the important people in our lives. Though it may feel easier to avoid these difficult conversations, when we neglect them, we risk falling into crisis when the inevitable happens.

What is Shiva?

“Shiva” literally means “seven” in Hebrew, as in the seven days of mourning following a burial. Children, spouses, siblings, and parents of the deceased are traditionally obligated to sit shiva. During a shiva period, Jewish mourners stay at home while their family and friends take care of their basic needs by sending or preparing food, and visiting to offer comfort. The idea is to give mourners the time and space they need to process their grief and cope with the recent loss.

There are certain rules and traditions that are typically followed during a shiva. For example, the front door is left open for those paying a condolence visit and the mourner is exempt from needing to greet guests during shiva. Visitors typically bring food for the mourners, and eggs are eaten at the first meal following burial because they symbolize life. All mirrors in the shiva home are covered, as mourners are unconcerned with vanity during this period. Mourners also do not wear shoes (though they may wear slippers), while visitors who are not in mourning keep their shoes on. Mourners often sit on low stools or chairs, as they are experiencing grief and are likely not comforted by material objects such as plush couches and chairs. After shiva ends, it is customary for mourners to take a walk around the block to signify reentry into the world before actually returning to work and other worldly tasks. For more, take a look at our Shiva Ritual.

What is Yizkor?

Yizkor is a prayer of remembrance that is recited four times a year in Jewish tradition, often as a community, to collectively remember and honor those who are no longer with us. It is said on Yom Kippur, and on each of the three “pilgrimage” holidays: the last day of Passover, the second day of Shavuot in the diaspora and the first day of Shavuot in Israel, and on Shemini Atzeret. Yizkor is generally recited following the Torah service, while the Torahs are still out of the ark during the morning service in a synagogue. For more, download our Yizkor ritual booklet.

What Happens at a Jewish Funeral?

Jewish burial ceremonies typically happen within 24 hours of someone dying. They are usually closed casket services that take place at a funeral home, a synagogue, or graveside. Jewish funerals are most often officiated by a rabbi, but can also be led by others, and they are a time to say prayers, blessings, and give a eulogy. It is common for mourners and attendees to participate in the burial by helping to shovel soil onto the casket after it is lowered into the ground–this provides loved ones with an opportunity to say goodbye and find closure so that the grieving process may begin.

What is a Jewish Unveiling Ceremony?

An unveiling ceremony is an opportunity to return to a grave and “uncover” a headstone. It typically happens around one year following a death to mark the formal end of the grieving process, but can be done at any time earlier or later than that. Unveiling ceremonies do not have a set liturgy or traditional ritual, but many people choose to recite kaddish in the presence of 10 Jewish adults over the age of 13, and may also recite, or substitute if there are fewer than 10 Jewish adults present, the El Maleh Rachamim memorial prayer.

Prior to the ceremony, the headstone is covered with a cloth, and then during the ceremony the cloth is removed. Some may use a cloth that has personal meaning, sometimes a tablecloth or a scarf that belonged to the deceased. Following the unveiling, those in attendance often place a rock or pebble on the headstone instead of flowers. You may wish to gather for a meal after, similar to the meal of consolation following a funeral. Some have the custom of washing the hands (without a blessing) upon exiting the cemetery, or upon arriving home after having visited a cemetery.

What Is Yahrzeit?

A yahrzeit is the anniversary of a Jewish death. To honor a yahrzeit, it is traditional to say kaddish and to light a 24-hour candle. Some may sponsor a meal at synagogue in memory of their loved one on or near the anniversary; others may mark the day at home with the sharing of stories about the one who has died, or studying Jewish texts in their memory, or even eating their favorite foods. The Yahrzeit is generally observed on the date of the death according to the Hebrew lunar calendar, with the day beginning and ending at sundown. For more ways to honor a yahrzeit, download our Yahrzeit Booklet.